Discussion Forums
Mon, 04/05/2010 - 20:18
Navigating the school system can be tricky.
I've found the following helpful:
-Bring a photo of your child with you to meetings if he/she cannot accompany you.
-Sometimes I bring a tray of cookies to share or bring an art project to share so there's a homey feeling.
-Don't get stuck on the individual staff you've heard good or bad rumors about. Stick to the program goals, the intensity of services, the level of training, and the overall atmosphere. Some teachers or teams may not have been a great match for your neighbor's child, but may be an amazing match for yours.
-If you are in conflict, make statements like, "I'm so uncomfortable with this." or "I consider myself his/her life long teacher, and I just can't imagine how what you're saying fits into what I know about my child, can you help me understand what you mean?" I find that statements like, "There's no way I'm agreeing to that" just makes everyone on the staff defensive.
-If your child can even remotely advocate for themselves, I say BRING HIM/HER with you! I remember one year when my son in 4th grade at the time was swamped with being responsible for work that was being done in the classroom while he was being pulled out for speech therapy. I requested push-in services, and was denied. I asked to think about it and come back. Three weeks later we reconvened, and I bought him with me. In his own way he answered my question in front of everyone: "Honey, tell me what happens when you leave for speech therapy." His response was something like, "It makes me cry cuz I don't know what they did and then I don't know what to say the next day.... and it makes me feel dumb and I go to the bathroom instead so I won't get called on." I could have give a dozen clinical reasons why the services would have been better on a push-in basis, but his "from the gut" answer had them rearranging schedules and making it work within one school day! If I would have said, "You know, you're not really helping him by blah blah blah, I know I would have had a grouchy team glaring at me! Ifyour child is non-verbal/pre-verbal, speak as their voice. Example: "You know if he could tell us, I really think he'd say _______."
-When staff go around the table and just start stating the deficits, the problems, and the prognostic misery, I like to ask a question like, "Tell me, have you gotten to know his sense of humor yet?" or..."What have you found to be really adorable about him?" It helps to keep the focus on the child, not the diagnosis.
- Be honest with things that are really driving a spear in your gut. For example: "I know you like to use chocolate pudding for tactile play, and let the kids sit in a rice bin with funnels, but I'm having a tough time putting food on the dinner table for my family..... and when he comes home with a serving of rice inside his sneakers that I have to throw out, it really makes me feel like you may not be sensitive to some family's needs that are struggling. I'm sure I'm not the only family in this position, and I feel like I should make you aware of it instead of just resenting it. I hope that's OK with you. Maybe they can play with packing peanuts of liquid soap instead."
-Finally, I do crawl up the team's butt when they do not put the child before the diagnosis. Statements like "CP kids often have ------", or Down's Syndrome kids almost always------" I usually interrupt with, "Excuse me, but if we are going to hold hands and jump off bridges together, I really need to know that you refer to my child by name or put the fact that he is a kid FIRST!!! I can tolerate kids with _____ often need _____, but he is a child first, his diagnosis does not define him. I hope you are OK with that."
I do have my kids make birthday cards for their teachers and therapists, send in silly photos from family outings, volunteer to help on class trips, and use lots of humor, but when the going gets tough the above has helped me in the past.
I loved reading this and know how you feel. zachary lives with autism and although he has many friends with the same diagnosis, no two children are the same. We have had to advocate for what owrks for him and have to educate tghem that there is more to our child than the time they spend with them. We also attended a training called "Motivating Families" which is held by the ARC in Denver. There we learned all about our rights, what we can ask for and should expect for our children and how to deal with difficult situations at times within the school system for children with special needs. This program was a great help to us.
We are just entering this territory with Mason. He is to start preschool August 31. I'm looking for feedback regarding some mobility issues:
He will have a 1:1 aid specifically for mobility. He does not walk, he crawls quite well. His PT and OT are not recommending a walker or gait trainer of any sort yet, wanting him to master some more basic movements first, which I totally understand. However, when he is at preschool, I feel like he needs a way to be upright to access things and keep up with the other kids. His case manager and I have talked of this frequently, and she tends to agree that he needs something. I'm contemplating purchasing a gait trainer specifically for school. He asks to "walk" often, and makes walking motions well. He can weight bear a bit in a standing position with support.
Any thoughts?
Kristy
Hello.. Just wondering what some of your thoughts are on aids in school.. Last year Garrett was falling down in the bathroom b/c the floors were wet and last year the Kindergarden teacher let him use the bathroom in her room.. This year the 1st grade teacher doesn't have a bathroom in here room.. So when i was talking to her she suggested that we send a student (from his class) to help him if he should fall... That makes me just feel wierd.. Why?? What are some suggestions that I could give her, instead of that.. The only reason he needs an assistant in the class is in the bathroom and at lunch(carring his lunch tray and opening things). Is it wrong to ask his classmates to do that for him, if they don't even know him??
Hi My Son does have an aide all of the time. But I do think it is OK for other student to assist on a voluntary basis, if they offer to help with his tray thats great. but if there is something your child can not do or if there is a safety issue an adult should be assigned to supervise not a child and never in the bathroom. It is not fair to your child or the other. Your son may not feel comfortable with another student and If your son were to get hurt by falling in the bathroom the other child would feel vvery bad. Your son should know there is someone ther specifically for him.
This is my expertise! Both of my girls have had assistants. I jumped right into an assistant for both my girls for them to be included in the General Ed environment. However, after several years later...I see where the wrong Assistant can promote dependence rather than independence.
My oldest daughter Taylor is almost 18 and my other daughter is 13...they have both had assistants since they entered Kindergarten. Both children have CP. There has been ups and downs and recently I have been doing my best to get their Aides discontinued...because they have learned to become too dependent and at times as a child having an Adult with you at school your entire life can be debilitating from making friends, trial & error, and learning how to make choices on their own whether they are the right ones or not so right ones. I am also an Special Education Teacher who has two assistants in my classroom daily...and am very careful of what I have them do for the students. I would love to discuss this further...even by phone if any advice is needed.
Eden Little
Here is a response from a facebook page that I posted your question on...
Special Education Law and Advocacy Renee. I have written an article on the issue of obtaining paraprofessional support. You can find it by going to http://www.flspedlaw.com/Adv_Obtaining-Para-Support.html on my website.
In a nutshell you should concentrate your advocacy upo...n the specific services your child requires rather than the "delivery model" (i..e. how the services are provided). The child's specific, well defined needs are what decide the issue of whether the child requires an aide. The use of a paraprofessional needs to be applied intelligently in such a way as to engender independence in the child.
Hi. My daughter Olivia has a one on one aide but uses a wheelchair and must have assistant for transfers. Also from the first IEP she was provided whatever equipment was necessary to "ACCESS THE CURRICULUM" . This is your phrase word to get everything necessary for your child. Stander, Special Seating, Sit to Stand, Special Portable Toilet etc. If a computer with switches is necessary the school district must comply. If they will not then you go to arbitration. I actually had to file one year. The school district was investigated and found to be in non compliance. Problem solved. Look at your child's situation and imagine what is necessary for your child to do the same as a typical student in a typical day. This also applies to PE. Or in Olivia's case adapted PE. That means every unit that is introduced through the school year. IE: Gymnastics. Soccer, Baseball, Basketball etc. Adapt to that curriculum. Gait Trainer necessary? Well, I consider that an adaptation etc. Be direct and firm and go in knowing the entire academic program for the year for typical student. Then adapt you child to that curriculum. They will comply. And don't take no for an answer. The team is usually at the school level and can be pawns for the district. If they can not make it happen, go to the the district level. If that fails then the state. One more suggestion. Please, please do not hire an attorney and go for damages and their fees. It isn't necessary and will only take money away from a school district that more than likely is already struggling financially. I know of a parent that sued the school district for damages and won. $1,000,000. I thought it was despicable. This isn't about damages. This is about changing a mind set for the children that follow yours. We are all in this together. My school district at the school level is thankful for my efforts against the district through a state complaint. You must remember they value their job. It's up to you. I have also learned that special education teachers etc. feel the same and will advocate for their students but are hindered by crossing a line and losing their job. I have also had teachers that were placed in this special education setting and were not qualified. They were replaced. You need to advocate for all the students with similar situation. This is all about education for all. And discrimination can happen within a school setting. I may seem too forceful with this comment on how to advocate for your children. I never had issues with the school system until Middle School. Another tip. The school has a special education coordinator at district level. Typically one for Elementary, one for Middle School and one for High School. These coordinators are paid a decent salary. Instead of doughnuts and coffee they need to be coordinating services. This includes transition between schools. This includes coordinating the transfer with the next coordinator. And another tip. A coordinator needs to meet your child or student and see them in their classroom setting. They will not unless it's demanded. They like their position at the district level along with the higher paid salaries. While at the school level the salaries are marginal. Especially the aides. And these are the ones who are earning their metal. Not the ones at district level. Make sure they work for their salaries. I have been fortunate because Olivia's aide has gone with her through each year of school. We have also benefited having the same teacher for more than one grade. This is terrific because Olivia creates a learning curve for a new teacher. This is down time on academics for Olivia. Best wishes to all of you. Jim